When Sharing Meals Means Sharing Power: Participant Story (Horn of Africa)

“Before I felt that I had authority over my female colleagues. After the training I started trusting their capacities and delegating responsibilities to them. I am now convinced that change can happen in your life if you really want it.”

At a workshop that brought together organizations from Sudan, Ethiopia and Somaliland, one of the participants, a Muslim man devoted to challenging poverty and oppression in his region, told a remarkable story. His organization, started by another Muslim man, who wanted his daughters to go to school (in an area where this was initially unheard of), focused on girls’ education and other gender issues, such as opposing female genital mutilation.

“Women and men can’t mix in our society. For instance, men don’t eat with women. A Beja wife can never mention the name of her husband and vice versa. Couples use nicknames to call each other. This is the environment in which I grew up. Moreover, as a traditional leader who is often called upon to mitigate tensions in our communities, it is my duty to ensure that those norms are respected and inculcated to young generations.

“I never questioned those norms before my participation in the first workshop on gender equality ... Women and men from Sudan, Ethiopia and Somaliland worked and learned together during a four-day process. For the first time in my life, I was exposed to concepts and ideas on gender relations that became so very clear to me. I felt as if those ideas were coming from me. To be sure, the fact that the workshop was held outside Sudan gave me the necessary freedom and space to open up to what I was exposing myself to.

“Upon my return to Port Sudan, I decided that there was no reason why I should not have my breakfast with my two female colleagues who work with me in the office. One of them is Beja, and she was shocked to see me joining them for breakfast. The other is Arab and proved more accommodating. The first time, I did not finish my breakfast. I quickly drank my tea and went back to my office. It took a week for us to get used to having our meals together. But now we have full breakfast together and we often take this opportunity to discuss gender issues openly. If I am out of the office, they wait for me before eating.

“I must say that this is quite a change for me. At first, I felt so shy and uncomfortable. I was like a fish out of the water. To be honest I am not yet totally at ease with the idea. For instance, if we have visitors, I will not eat with them. I am afraid that if someone finds me eating with women, they will lose all respect for me as a leader and a man.”